OBSESSED

He waited for half the semester and nobody seemed to throw even a glance his way. He held out his heart and it almost became a part of his hand. All he asked for is somebody to worry about. He was humbled and didn’t want much but a look in his way.

He then met this gorgeous one. A drop dead diva he had only been seeing in school and half the time in other men’s arms. He asked her out after a lot of overnight texting. He finally broke the ice and this finally gave him hope of a heartwarming experience.

The date was here and he got all nervous. He became clumsy and without realizing it, he stopped listening to her and stared at her face sheepishly. Who wouldn’t want to stare at a young, beautiful-to-the-bone teenager? This was the big break he had really needed.

For a first date she was well groomed. She had a short, black evening dress with a scarf that went all the way through her back and hang in her arms. Her mascara glittered every time she blinked. Her heels didn’t only elevate her body but her beauty too. She made a trademark head swing every time her hair blocked her view that was followed by a smile as she talked to him. She was full of life and energy and he had a field day checking out all the dimples that formed with every word she uttered. Her hair flowed down her cheeks. He wanted to reach out and put his fingers through her hair but he was scared she might not have liked it.

He couldn’t help but notice the envious look on everyone’s face...or was it just confused pity? He couldn’t tell them apart in between all the groping. She had held his hand with one hand and the other was round his waist. Her head rested on his shoulder and he had a glimpse of heaven for a while there.

She proved to be quite a handful though…he took her to an event for a first date and she suddenly decided that the event wasn’t thrilling enough!!! Even after the tickets had been bought. She felt thirsty and she insisted that they take a walk to the shop. “Oh shoot! I only have coins!” he had this priceless look on his face while he said that. Looked more like a kid who had just messed the diapers. “No problem. I will walk you to your room so long as you promise to carry me back,” after that remark she paused awkwardly. “Of course am kidding! But you should never worry they say I am feather weight.” He heaved a deep sigh of relief not because he didn’t want to carry her but because he’d want to kiss her with their faces lined up that close and no one could tell her reaction. This was the reason he didn’t carry his wallet around. The most expensive drink there is served to her and while halfway through, “I think I can’t have more than that” she said that as she put the fruit juice down.

All this while she threw hints that she could be in some better place but he was blind to this. All for that warm re-assuring embrace and the look in her eyes that let him in straight to her soul. She smiled lovingly at him. Show me the clever guy who would see past this entire charade even if she told you she is bored by the event you planned all week for.

He braved the cold and stayed with her doing small talk as they waited for her ride to her hostel. All this while he hoped against hope that she would agree to spend the night at his place even if it means watching her sleep. He’d give his life at this point just to hold her arm while she slept. He wished she’d take to his bosom and make it her pillow.

In his head, he had her in his arms staring deep into her eyes with soft kisses at all the right places telling her how much he loved her. All this couldn’t happen then because half the time he was with her, he was staring at her dazzling beauty. He hadn’t been smiled to, embraced or given that look that melted his heart in a long time. One hour of this was like an eternity’s worth of frolicking.

It was that time of the week again and all roads led to the drinking hole. He headed there like a zombie majorly with one agenda- just to have a glance at her. He danced normally but suddenly stopped to look right after she passed by. The lady he was dancing with wondered why he lost his step every now and again. Little did she know that his eyes were feasting on another.

He couldn’t ask her to dance because he wanted to see her gyrate her body even if it is with another man. She never disappointed at all. She always shook it like she owned it. It didn’t take so much effort for her to be the center of attention. She finally noticed him (I think it’s hard not to notice someone staring blankly at you) and gave him a warm hug probably to keep his eyes off her body for once. She told him she had missed him and he went silent. He tightened his hug to say ‘I missed you too’. This is something he never gets to hear much often so he just stood there speechless and made the hug linger but a second longer. She got back to dancing with the girls and all he was left to do is stare at her as she left.

After the greeting, she didn’t even notice him every time she passed him to seek another man’s embrace. It’s like for a while there he didn’t exist in her world of men. He didn’t dance as usual but sat in a corner and watched life pass him by. He was acting like he was widowed. He got the best vantage point and his heart slowly warmed up. His face lit up every time she came her way. Every time she hugged another guy, all he could hear above her giggles and the music was his heart breaking. The night was too short and they parted ways.

At this point he hated her as much as he loved her and the days seemed endless as he plotted and schemed on ways to have her just for himself. The jealousy and obsession grew on him like a bad weed and it was spreading fast through his system. He could no longer think straight. He had problems concentrating in class. He only saw his princess with every turn he made every smile he saw and it was almost like she was haunting him.

 His closest friends tried to talk some sense into him. “You’re going to get hurt by that conniving two timing enchantress.” At this point he felt like everyone was against his hard found happiness. To him, it was them against the world. The major reason he could not stand any open criticism is because his heart had been broken one too many times and he couldn’t imagine it happening one more time.

The one thing that kept him going was the thought that the girl could have chosen to be with anyone but she chose him. Even if it was not for dating, she must have had a reason. She must have seen something the rest didn’t see in him though he could not put a finger on it just yet.

As the days went by, he sank deeper into what he thought was love and he spent most of his days building castles in the air for his princess. He gazed blankly into space and it was clear whatever he was feeling had retarded him. He had a picture of her as the background picture on phone and laptop. He had the pictures on the ceiling so that she could be the last thing he saw right before he slept and the first he saw the moment he woke up.

He had never invited her over to his place. She always took her time and always postponed her long awaited visits. There was this one day it rained hard and it was up to the knees outside. She called and a damsel in distress is never ignored. He quickly rushed to pick her in the rain and she was warm and dry in his room as soon as possible.

The girl finally had a chance to get comfortable. She looked around and what she saw startled her. She saw all kinds of her pictures on the walls and she got freaked out. She hurried out of the room like a spooked cat and walked into the rain without a word. He tried to talk her into staying but she wouldn’t oblige. She thought this guy to be some kind of freaky person who might make wrong advances and since she too had had a few bad experiences, she could not risk it again.

He did not sleep at night. He tossed and turned and sleep was to no avail. He called her severally but she didn’t pick or return his calls. That was his breaking point. It not only broke his heart but also his will to go on living. Life had made him think that the people especially the ladies he cared about were never meant to stay in his life for too long. He had lost his mother and his high school sweetheart at a go and this was probably the last straw on his back. He spent his days in bed and on one fateful night he slept a dreamless sleep. One he hadn’t had in a long while.

He vegetated in his sleep. The stress was too much for his fragile heart. He had a mental breakdown. His brain could hold just enough stress at one go. He felt abandoned and dejected. Loneliness set in and he was just a phone call away from riding the short bus. It caught him staring up at her picture on the ceiling and the last sane thing on his face was a smile though now it grew weird as it was perpetual and the only thing keeping it there was a piece of her picture. He had soaked up the picture in his drool and nobody could make out who was in the picture but him.

Obsession was clearly not working for him and his need to feel loved led to a lot of compromising and he broke his heart more than he mended it. She clearly didn’t deserve all that love.

He might not have seen the imminent dementia but it was probably for the best. “You won’t suffer anymore,” This is normally what they say to any patient but the love sick. He might not have had the chance to enjoy his prime years of his life but he certainly had a chance to love…or whatever you’d call what he was hopelessly falling into. It’s at times like this that we wish we had iron veins and hearts cold as stone. This way, we’d never get to love and subliminally evade any kind of heartache.