ME

You never realize how well you don’t know yourself until you are given a chance to describe yourself in not less than 300 words. Its mind boggling but it has an upside; you get to know who you are as most of young adults are in the self-discovery stage.

I don’t know whether to start by what my friends say about me or my personal opinion but honestly am finding what friends say to be somewhat flattering. Some would say am sweet and caring but the worst part is where nobody knows if I have a dark side or not. What worries me is if there is any at all. Sad I don’t know of any too.

We only get stories from our parents of how we came to be born but it doesn’t take much faith to believe them because there is no other story. Mine told me I was born in the Kiambu town suburbs in a humble hospital. I have always believed where you come from never determines where you are going and looking at things as they are presently, I am not disappointed but by only a few things.

Everybody’s life shaped by the various dimensions it has. There are romantic relationships where the ones we love get to know us so well, our inner secrets and hidden personalities. When love is involved the best and worst is brought out and since we live off love, it is easier to describe someone you love as compared to someone you don’t bear feelings for.

I cannot say am perfect but when my friends say am a nice person, there must be some grain of truth in what they say. My only few weaknesses are that I have too much to give and I give it too easily which is mostly to my detriment. I mostly get chewed and spat like a big ball of mucus by most of my undeserving friends.

Am born of two parents but one has since left us. As the first born it’s hard to cope because I became a second parent by default and had to make adult decisions while yet too young. It’s been of much benefit since I have grown in mind body spirit and was able to get over all the hurdles life had to throw in my way. Am happy to know that life cannot surprise me anymore. There isn’t a new trick in the bag I don’t know of. Ability to see life different from my peers has earned me some kind of good name among them. To some I am their love doctor. To some an advisor. To some a shoulder to cry on and for a lifetime a loving big brother.

FRIENDS?

This is a question not many guys like answering after or during a breakup. If the answer is yes from a guy, then the guy has some flicker of hope that someday the embers of friendship will be given breath and rekindle to the flame of love it was…… or better. I don’t know what ladies or men understand exactly when they break up but one thing am sure of is that we don’t all understand it the same way. Ladies believe its elevation to friendship but men see it as relegation to just a common person. Way below what any man expects of a lady.

This goes against everything I believe in, but it takes a real man to stay and make the friendship work. That’s the very abnormal me speaking but sad it’s only right that you stay as friends. Love has no rules but this is an unwritten one. You can never be ‘just’ friends with someone you love. Don’t test whether he is a gentleman enough to stick around after you kick him to the curb. Life is too short to do trial and error. As they say you will find that you have been picking rocks as everybody picked the jewels that you made ‘just’ friends.

The whole point of breaking up is not to be enemies exactly but to change how you look at the relationship you had. After being lovers the only next thing you can be is strangers or best friends. Ladies had better get that through their heads or they will only break their own hearts by expecting too much from lover turned stranger. It will never be the same so don’t even try making the break up sound any better by trying to be ‘just’ friends with a guy who gave you his heart. It only makes it worse.

Don’t get it twisted though. Some guys will take advantage of being strangers to follow their vendetta. Revenge is sweet but remember this is someone you love or loved depending on what you shared. As a gentleman, it’s only fair if you walk away before you break what is left of your heart.

Funny when she becomes the person you meet in every turn you make. Not that you follow each other but I believe hearts have a way to find each other. Talk of being soul mates. Occasionally say hi. It is plain rude to pretend like you don’t know her even though you are familiar ‘strangers’.

Being a gentleman is some piece of work. It only takes men with the right cojones to give up their interests and think of the people around them however bad they hurt them or otherwise. It’s hard but I am only trying to make it as realistic as possible because I know it breeds a lot of uncertainty. Is it too hard not to take advantage of your power or of the weakness of those around you?

RIGHT CHOICE

Simon couldn’t help but notice how dejected Anne was. She had her palm to her face and chains of thought ran through her mind. She looked like she was on the verge of breaking down. Simon pulled a chair beside her and softly asked her what the problem could be. All she could mumble between sobs was that she had had a fight with the boyfriend.

It had always been the epitome of relationship. It was some kind of yard stick for most other relationships in the school and with such monumental value, it was easy to notice when something went wrong between them. They were always together. They had clearly forgotten themselves and embraced one personality. It could all be read in her face and Simon felt empathic. Anne slowly narrated as he listened intently. He finally asked her to go with him to have something to eat because it did not help if she went hungry.

Word goes round very fast in school and everybody in school could notice how deep Simon’s gaze was when he looked into her teary eyes. Simon did not only feel empathic but he had always reserved feelings for Anne that I can’t say was what her boyfriend offered but probably there was more than met the eyes. Simon helped her through her trouble with a few sweet words and always avoided the subject of his boyfriend.

Simon couldn’t hold it in any longer. He went to tell her that he had more feelings than he was letting on but he hated what would happen if she didn’t say the words he wanted to hear. He couldn’t live with losing her forever yet he had to do something to wipe tears off her face and give her the smile and warmth she had since missed. Simon gathered his courage and finally spoke to her about her issues with the boyfriend and as he wound up he told her, ‘Anne, I have always wanted to see you happy and most of all be the reason behind it. What you guys disagreed about is not a very simple matter but if you can’t find joy and happiness through all the trouble and trying moments in the arms of the man you love, then you are in the wrong arms.’

Simon hadn’t planned his wording. Though he might have been a little careless with them, he took Anne’s feelings into consideration before his own and saw Anne walk into a blissful relationship though it tore his heart from his chest. Such qualities in a man don’t come with many. He could have easily taken advantage and had hiss way at the weakest of points in her life but he helped her up even though it left him in the mire. These are the kind of friends everyone dreams of. Anne was lucky to have a gentleman, though clumsy, in his life. Do you?

DO IT RIGHT

Waiting in line for food has always been the norm for most students in his school. John was in a not so well built campus. He didn’t complain much because it didn’t define the kind of education he’d get from there. It is a topic most people talked in whispers because it is embarrassing to say a school is not up to your desired standards yet you don’t apply for a transfer.

There are two lines to be formed every meal time. John had already taken a receipt for his food and was already in the second line. Grace, a girl in her class, had really wanted to tag along but she got held up while finishing off an assignment. She had to send john if she wanted to get some of the best meals served there because if she had gone later they’d be out of the best food.

She came panting and she had barely caught her breath when john beckoned her to join him in the line because it gets really boring waiting to be served. He made space in front of him and while joining the line grace couldn’t help but notice that the others in line were not so impressed by what had just happened.

Complaints were raised and suddenly there was unrest in the hall. After an exchange of unpleasant words, grace clearly couldn’t hold the urge to walk right up to the guy and slap the taste out of his mouth. John was quick to notice the sudden turn of events and he went after her to bring it to an end. Sadly she had gone close enough for contact and as john tried to talk her out of her anger, there were screams all over and the boy who had insulted grace fled the scene.

Before the pain set in john wondered why there were screams and why they became distant by the second. He felt the pain in a distance and in a heap, he fell on the wet floor with a fork in his back. The fork that was to be in grace’s stomach was sticking out of him and life oozed slowly out of him as he kicked softly to gasp for air.

The autopsy showed that he died out of a punctured lung. Grace didn’t know whether to blame herself or the bastard that saw it wise to stick a fork in john’s back. In his eulogy it read:

A young man’s life ended in its prime by a person who held a fork better than his temper.

Among many other praises that were sang that day, gentleman is not a word that came to many people’s mouths because not very many people know how hard it is to hold your temper especially when someone mentions parents somewhere in between the insults. It’s all fun and games until your parent is mentioned but it took a great deal of patience on the side of john not to strike back and hold tongue against the assailants. His death will be to many a lesson on kindness and the kind of sacrifices that should be made for peace and goodwill to prevail. It’s not his death that made him a gentleman; anyone could have taken that fork. It was his gearing towards a worthy cause.

GENTLEMAN’S DIARY

U

pon hearing the word gentleman, one by default thinks of a person who likes pleasing ladies. If you’d get to ask the ladies to define a gentleman for you, you’d be surprised to hear all the qualities of a perfect man. They tend to overlook the fact that above being a kind, warm, nice, caring and all the good qualities, that we are human and we are bound to make mistakes. It’s no wonder when you hear a woman claiming that gentlemen do not exist. To most, men are selfish pigs who don’t give a damn about anybody else and only think from below their waists. I am not denying that there are very poor examples of men who are always making it hard for the next guys by breaking girls’ hearts to smithereens. What happened to chivalry?

The following series will help you see how messed up a gentleman’s life can be. Not everyone appreciates good things when they see one. It doesn’t mean by being a gentleman that you will get everything on a silver plate. It just shows the many twisted ideas people have about being a gentleman.

A disclaimer should be put across that not everything that glitters is gold. Impostors are bound to be there. They will act like the real deal but they only have ulterior motives. It can easily fool anyone most especially if you have never seen a nicer only for them to turn on you and stab your back. With this you can run a few tests to find out whether they are the knight in shining armour you have always seen in your dreams.

A gentleman’s life can also be a bed of roses that everyone cherishes and puts a good word upon every lip and a smile that warms the heart. Not all will love him but there will be little or no reason to hate him. It’s a man who conspires no evil against friend or foe. A man who loves all and hates none. It sounds overrated but it is not as preposterous as it sounds. I know we are all human and it’s easier to hate someone who hates you but it’s the strength to overlook our emotions and act upon rationality that makes us gentlemen.

As soon as the word gentleman pops nobody thinks of any evil thing in the man. It confuses me how some would be of the opinion that a ‘bad’ boy can be a gentleman. It’s like saying a good ‘bad’ boy is existent. By being a bad boy, it automatically nullifies all the chances of him being a good boy simultaneously. This only implies he is good to his lady and to nobody else and it’s mostly with ulterior motives because of the benefits that are at stake in case he treats her bad.

Most of this sounds like walking on fire barefoot without getting scathed. This only calls for the proper priorities in life and some effort towards making sure they are done to the letter. The lady who defined a gentleman as a man who doesn’t force his ideas on a woman soft with words and handling of ladies. A very heartwarming expectation, huh? Try this definition. One who is aggressive enough but knows and accepts his limits. That will see sweat off many guys’ brows. A listener will do the trick anywhere. Nobody likes someone who dismisses ideas before listening and replaces them with own. Try and fill your ears before emptying your mouth. That’s pretty much it about being a gentleman.

LOVE

BEFORE AND AFTER YOU FALL IN LOVE

lol!!!

Before - You take my breath away

After - I feel like I'm suffocating

Before - Twice a night

After - Twice a month

Before - She says she loves the way I take control of a situation

After - She called me a controlling, manipulative egomaniac

Before - Saturday Night Fever

After - Monday Night Football

Before - Don't stop

After - Don't start

Before - Is that all you're having?

After - Maybe you should have just a salad, honey

Before - It's like I'm living in a dream

After - It's like he lives in a dorm

Before - Turbocharged

After - Jumpstart

Before - We agree on everything

After - Doesn't she have a mind of her own

Before - Feathers and handcuffs

After - Ball and chain

Before - Idol

After - Idle

Before - I love a woman with curves

After - I never said you were fat

Before - He's completely lost without me

After - Why won't he ever ask for directions?

Before - Time stood still

After - This relationship is going nowhere

Before - You look so seductive in black

After - Your clothes are so depressing

Before - I can hardly believe we found each other

After - I can't believe I ended up with someone like you

Before - Passion

After - Ration

Before - Once upon a time

After - The end

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PARTY SHOT

It gets dark real slow when you look forward to a night of pomp and glamor in the first weekend of the semester. Everything has to go in tandem with the mood of the night. The ladies get a little skimpy and the guys wear something that won’t inhibit all the dances that require some agile movements. The parties often start in the hostels with the ladies trying out different for the night to cater for both the cold and agility during gyration. The guys never take make up into much consideration as much as the dress code. It is here that the guys unleash their well reserved clothes and demons as well. If you needed to make a fashion statement, then you didn’t have to hold your breath for long. This is the much needed platform to do something better than the alpha males of the society. If you don’t look as good as him then your chances to get lucky are a wee bit slimmer than the lady he will dance with. Pray ye that it’s not your girlfriend or worse, your crush… honestly I don’t know how that is worse but if you have a crush you might crack my code. It is where people realize relationships were never that serious after all. Girls don’t tag boyfriends along and vice versa is also as likely.

Total drama goes down when boyfriends dance with everybody. They all get a turn apart from the official girl and what ensues is as obvious as the color of blood. Hold onto that thought. Drinks are In plenty and they are accompanied by dances; every weird one of the routines. The student centre is stocked with all kinds of frothy and fuzzy drinks alike. Of late they have discovered some distilled liquor in the name of white mischief that gets you mischievous all night. People grind all night then when people don’t find a solution to the week’s distress at the bottom of their bottles, enters the party spoilers. These are always the battle brawlers. After they have had one too many to drink nobody is stronger than them. They will always find fault in the most righteous of circumstances. On this one particularly they just wreaked havoc to any weakling in there. In the wake of such vices on the dance floor, the bouncers if any, take the fights outside or deal with the drunks squarely. With them out of the way, the second rate males grab this chance to hit the dance floor with the pretty ladies the alpha males were unwise to leave behind. You might think this is the part good triumphs over evil but NO. The ladies then decide not to dance with the guys they don’t much less the ‘lame’ guys in school. So in these kind of frustration some take to the seats and take it out on anybody unlucky enough to cross their path. With all kinds of people in such a social place, it is expected to get to various people with various mood swings. For someone who has seen a rough week, it would be very mean if an alpha male ruins any chance of you getting a dance by maybe charming your girl away with his charms on the floor. If solitude was not planned for, it’s never the best place to stay after a lady prefers another over you. Slowly waltz away and make sure she or nobody else does not notice this. Sad is now when none of the ladies you went with even does as much as look your way unless she needs water. They all get snatched away and before you know it, you know nobody on the dance floor. This for a dude is not good news. No lady with principals dances with a stranger. I never really get the whole point of principality or morality here but moving on swiftly, as a guy, don’t stick around or you will have stuck something right through your heart. This is that point in the party where everyone has danced their energy away and the heat is going away faster than the night. There are lovers dove tailed into each other everywhere and we can’t forget those who have been knocked out of their senses lying prostrate on the ground in a pool of their own saliva, urine or worse vomit.  Normally it’s always two by two in the fields adjacent to the student center and the security never have a say in that lest they arouse the anger of the drunk and Lord knows how well those people can ruin your night or worse your life.

At this juncture a wise deejay will put people in the mood and it’s a one way ticket to cloud nine. When the cold gets too intense it’s the breaking point and this is where couples part ways or lucky ones get rooms if you get my drift. With the security on guard and high alert such an attempt is way futile so walking alone in the cold to your place is a welcome idea also.

I didn’t get to touch on the dances because it is much common knowledge that men will preferably grind or mount if comfortable. Then there happens to be those kids who never left their houses under normal circumstances at the wee hours of the night. These are the same kind who are clumsy on the dance floor. They will either work over time to make sure you never get to dance with the lady you came with by throwing themselves all over the dance floor or she might step on all your toes while dancing and considering the dancing styles, I doubt if it’s only the toes that will get hurt. Ladies too have a weak point. It’s not always about grinding and groping on the dance floor. Time to get all kinky will come much later. It’s about the routine too. Rubbing on the guy too hard might cause pain as opposed to the much desired effect and it’s particularly not a good thing if you want the guy to stick around. If you are not particularly that jiggly or music gets you in the mood for anything else apart from dancing, there is an upside. You can watch the rest exorcise their demons on the floor as you suck down your drink frothy or otherwise. Funny though, these are the guys who always get the best ladies. Sad but true. It’s not a curse to be single but do the guys who do so little deserve so much really?....