tips for women

Tips for the women in the house:
1) Let him know you believe in him. This will
empower him to achieve his dreams. You made
him feel that he was more special than anyone or
anything else, before marrying. Work to help him
see that again.
2) Accept your husband for the man he is, instead
of wishing you could change this or that. (Stop
concentrating on your spouse’s faults (this makes
them look even bigger than real life). Instead,
work on your own. Take the “log”out of your own
eye, as the Bible says to do in Matthew 7:5.)
3) Help him be a hero to his kids. Speak well of
him and the good things that he does. (You are
God's choice for being your husband's
cheerleader, when it comes to your husband.
(And the same goes for him.)
4) Appreciate the things he does —like making
repairs around the house. (Even if he doesn't do
them well —at least he's making the effort —
which is more than a lot of husbands will do.)
5) Let him spend time with the guys doing “guy”
things (unless those "guy" things compromise the
integrity of your marital relationship).
6) Respect his right to need some space
sometimes. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you.
7) Stop asking him to throw out his torn, faded
jeans. What you hate about them is what he loves
about them. [Learn to choose your battles —
concentrate on things that really ARE important.]
8. Stop criticizing his mother or father. This may
be difficult to do when his family makes life
difficult for you. "Speak the truth in love" and —
motivated by love, when it concerns his family. If
this doesn't help, ask the Lord to show you how to
handle the situation in the godliest, most
peaceable way possible.
9) Be patient with him. Make him feel special —
he’s still someone who craves your approval.
10) Keep looking your best — for him … and for
yourself.

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MY SPOKEN HEART/ CRY OF A SILENT WOMAN

MY SPOKEN HEART

I speak my heart

Can’t live with hurt

So am about

To let it all out.

I can’t hold it

Like I can’t keep it

All inside

Is it dark or what

Can I still hold it

Or have I lost it.

Am barred

Can’t speak

Listen to my heart beat

And when you no longer can

I’ll tell that it’s gone

As it flows through the feeble connection

I can’t stop the want and need for affection

All I hear in my head is ‘FOOL’

When I know without love I’ll never be full

Gets me thinking, why am I even sad?

When life has been nothing but a springing flower bud

All I say is I wish spring gets done with

And let me see every flower in my life blossom

Heat of hate

The heat of the hate of the demon scorching sun

It gets me letting go my rags, I think I’ll go mad

I can’t believe am still holding on

The letting go of the giving in

The key to this virtual house of mine

Not everyone allowed to go in it

That’s when I realized you are not just anyone

You’re a thief

You moved in as the wind

I gave you no key and passwords to move in

You damn stole your way in

I didn’t want you there

I damn wanted no one there

To sit and boss around

Because you know you stole it all

Convince yourself I can’t take it back

I got your back but watch out coz one of these days dude,

I’ll damn get away from you!

The cry of a silent woman

If I could

I would

I’d just shout

STOP! STOP! He is a beast!

I see his eyes hunger

He is a prowling lion

His hands are ugly claws

His eyes bloodshot

Making every nerve of my body jump

But I still can’t

Just can’t

I remember when he used to smile

And I would smile back

When I was innocent

When I was pure

But on one ugly night

He took it all away

Now I’m lost

Can’t remember where I got lost

In the hands of a prowling lion

He deceives with a smile!

Don’t laugh at his jokes!

This is all I want to show

But I say it quietly

Enough!

I’ve had enough!

Stop lying you deceiver

You black demon with horns!!

But I look around

Everyone is still and calm

For I do not speak

I only shout within me

I ache within

He looks at me

With now hateful eyes

The feeling is mutual

I despise him

Despise myself

Despise nature that allowed this happen

Am sweating profusely, swearing intensely

Boiling with anger

But outside am only an ordinary

Silent lady

Succumbing to the present troubles

That no one dares to care at

But I realize its all in vain

If I can’t he won’t stop

So I will talk

To save the angels

From the black headed demon

I’ve been silent giving the cry

Of a silent woman.

But no longer, if he dares,

I will scream

I will tell the world

The unfortunate disaster stricken

To save the innocence restore purity

Uphold goodness 

An urge to all angels

All ladies with dignity

Don’t be so calm

Or yet too civilized

We all know too well

This is no civilized world

When you are in trouble

When you can’t kick

When you can’t prick

When you can’t bite

When you can’t hurt

Scream

And I’ll be there

A silent woman

Saving womanhood.

ME

You never realize how well you don’t know yourself until you are given a chance to describe yourself in not less than 300 words. Its mind boggling but it has an upside; you get to know who you are as most of young adults are in the self-discovery stage.

I don’t know whether to start by what my friends say about me or my personal opinion but honestly am finding what friends say to be somewhat flattering. Some would say am sweet and caring but the worst part is where nobody knows if I have a dark side or not. What worries me is if there is any at all. Sad I don’t know of any too.

We only get stories from our parents of how we came to be born but it doesn’t take much faith to believe them because there is no other story. Mine told me I was born in the Kiambu town suburbs in a humble hospital. I have always believed where you come from never determines where you are going and looking at things as they are presently, I am not disappointed but by only a few things.

Everybody’s life shaped by the various dimensions it has. There are romantic relationships where the ones we love get to know us so well, our inner secrets and hidden personalities. When love is involved the best and worst is brought out and since we live off love, it is easier to describe someone you love as compared to someone you don’t bear feelings for.

I cannot say am perfect but when my friends say am a nice person, there must be some grain of truth in what they say. My only few weaknesses are that I have too much to give and I give it too easily which is mostly to my detriment. I mostly get chewed and spat like a big ball of mucus by most of my undeserving friends.

Am born of two parents but one has since left us. As the first born it’s hard to cope because I became a second parent by default and had to make adult decisions while yet too young. It’s been of much benefit since I have grown in mind body spirit and was able to get over all the hurdles life had to throw in my way. Am happy to know that life cannot surprise me anymore. There isn’t a new trick in the bag I don’t know of. Ability to see life different from my peers has earned me some kind of good name among them. To some I am their love doctor. To some an advisor. To some a shoulder to cry on and for a lifetime a loving big brother.

FRIENDS?

This is a question not many guys like answering after or during a breakup. If the answer is yes from a guy, then the guy has some flicker of hope that someday the embers of friendship will be given breath and rekindle to the flame of love it was…… or better. I don’t know what ladies or men understand exactly when they break up but one thing am sure of is that we don’t all understand it the same way. Ladies believe its elevation to friendship but men see it as relegation to just a common person. Way below what any man expects of a lady.

This goes against everything I believe in, but it takes a real man to stay and make the friendship work. That’s the very abnormal me speaking but sad it’s only right that you stay as friends. Love has no rules but this is an unwritten one. You can never be ‘just’ friends with someone you love. Don’t test whether he is a gentleman enough to stick around after you kick him to the curb. Life is too short to do trial and error. As they say you will find that you have been picking rocks as everybody picked the jewels that you made ‘just’ friends.

The whole point of breaking up is not to be enemies exactly but to change how you look at the relationship you had. After being lovers the only next thing you can be is strangers or best friends. Ladies had better get that through their heads or they will only break their own hearts by expecting too much from lover turned stranger. It will never be the same so don’t even try making the break up sound any better by trying to be ‘just’ friends with a guy who gave you his heart. It only makes it worse.

Don’t get it twisted though. Some guys will take advantage of being strangers to follow their vendetta. Revenge is sweet but remember this is someone you love or loved depending on what you shared. As a gentleman, it’s only fair if you walk away before you break what is left of your heart.

Funny when she becomes the person you meet in every turn you make. Not that you follow each other but I believe hearts have a way to find each other. Talk of being soul mates. Occasionally say hi. It is plain rude to pretend like you don’t know her even though you are familiar ‘strangers’.

Being a gentleman is some piece of work. It only takes men with the right cojones to give up their interests and think of the people around them however bad they hurt them or otherwise. It’s hard but I am only trying to make it as realistic as possible because I know it breeds a lot of uncertainty. Is it too hard not to take advantage of your power or of the weakness of those around you?

RIGHT CHOICE

Simon couldn’t help but notice how dejected Anne was. She had her palm to her face and chains of thought ran through her mind. She looked like she was on the verge of breaking down. Simon pulled a chair beside her and softly asked her what the problem could be. All she could mumble between sobs was that she had had a fight with the boyfriend.

It had always been the epitome of relationship. It was some kind of yard stick for most other relationships in the school and with such monumental value, it was easy to notice when something went wrong between them. They were always together. They had clearly forgotten themselves and embraced one personality. It could all be read in her face and Simon felt empathic. Anne slowly narrated as he listened intently. He finally asked her to go with him to have something to eat because it did not help if she went hungry.

Word goes round very fast in school and everybody in school could notice how deep Simon’s gaze was when he looked into her teary eyes. Simon did not only feel empathic but he had always reserved feelings for Anne that I can’t say was what her boyfriend offered but probably there was more than met the eyes. Simon helped her through her trouble with a few sweet words and always avoided the subject of his boyfriend.

Simon couldn’t hold it in any longer. He went to tell her that he had more feelings than he was letting on but he hated what would happen if she didn’t say the words he wanted to hear. He couldn’t live with losing her forever yet he had to do something to wipe tears off her face and give her the smile and warmth she had since missed. Simon gathered his courage and finally spoke to her about her issues with the boyfriend and as he wound up he told her, ‘Anne, I have always wanted to see you happy and most of all be the reason behind it. What you guys disagreed about is not a very simple matter but if you can’t find joy and happiness through all the trouble and trying moments in the arms of the man you love, then you are in the wrong arms.’

Simon hadn’t planned his wording. Though he might have been a little careless with them, he took Anne’s feelings into consideration before his own and saw Anne walk into a blissful relationship though it tore his heart from his chest. Such qualities in a man don’t come with many. He could have easily taken advantage and had hiss way at the weakest of points in her life but he helped her up even though it left him in the mire. These are the kind of friends everyone dreams of. Anne was lucky to have a gentleman, though clumsy, in his life. Do you?

DO IT RIGHT

Waiting in line for food has always been the norm for most students in his school. John was in a not so well built campus. He didn’t complain much because it didn’t define the kind of education he’d get from there. It is a topic most people talked in whispers because it is embarrassing to say a school is not up to your desired standards yet you don’t apply for a transfer.

There are two lines to be formed every meal time. John had already taken a receipt for his food and was already in the second line. Grace, a girl in her class, had really wanted to tag along but she got held up while finishing off an assignment. She had to send john if she wanted to get some of the best meals served there because if she had gone later they’d be out of the best food.

She came panting and she had barely caught her breath when john beckoned her to join him in the line because it gets really boring waiting to be served. He made space in front of him and while joining the line grace couldn’t help but notice that the others in line were not so impressed by what had just happened.

Complaints were raised and suddenly there was unrest in the hall. After an exchange of unpleasant words, grace clearly couldn’t hold the urge to walk right up to the guy and slap the taste out of his mouth. John was quick to notice the sudden turn of events and he went after her to bring it to an end. Sadly she had gone close enough for contact and as john tried to talk her out of her anger, there were screams all over and the boy who had insulted grace fled the scene.

Before the pain set in john wondered why there were screams and why they became distant by the second. He felt the pain in a distance and in a heap, he fell on the wet floor with a fork in his back. The fork that was to be in grace’s stomach was sticking out of him and life oozed slowly out of him as he kicked softly to gasp for air.

The autopsy showed that he died out of a punctured lung. Grace didn’t know whether to blame herself or the bastard that saw it wise to stick a fork in john’s back. In his eulogy it read:

A young man’s life ended in its prime by a person who held a fork better than his temper.

Among many other praises that were sang that day, gentleman is not a word that came to many people’s mouths because not very many people know how hard it is to hold your temper especially when someone mentions parents somewhere in between the insults. It’s all fun and games until your parent is mentioned but it took a great deal of patience on the side of john not to strike back and hold tongue against the assailants. His death will be to many a lesson on kindness and the kind of sacrifices that should be made for peace and goodwill to prevail. It’s not his death that made him a gentleman; anyone could have taken that fork. It was his gearing towards a worthy cause.

GENTLEMAN’S DIARY

U

pon hearing the word gentleman, one by default thinks of a person who likes pleasing ladies. If you’d get to ask the ladies to define a gentleman for you, you’d be surprised to hear all the qualities of a perfect man. They tend to overlook the fact that above being a kind, warm, nice, caring and all the good qualities, that we are human and we are bound to make mistakes. It’s no wonder when you hear a woman claiming that gentlemen do not exist. To most, men are selfish pigs who don’t give a damn about anybody else and only think from below their waists. I am not denying that there are very poor examples of men who are always making it hard for the next guys by breaking girls’ hearts to smithereens. What happened to chivalry?

The following series will help you see how messed up a gentleman’s life can be. Not everyone appreciates good things when they see one. It doesn’t mean by being a gentleman that you will get everything on a silver plate. It just shows the many twisted ideas people have about being a gentleman.

A disclaimer should be put across that not everything that glitters is gold. Impostors are bound to be there. They will act like the real deal but they only have ulterior motives. It can easily fool anyone most especially if you have never seen a nicer only for them to turn on you and stab your back. With this you can run a few tests to find out whether they are the knight in shining armour you have always seen in your dreams.

A gentleman’s life can also be a bed of roses that everyone cherishes and puts a good word upon every lip and a smile that warms the heart. Not all will love him but there will be little or no reason to hate him. It’s a man who conspires no evil against friend or foe. A man who loves all and hates none. It sounds overrated but it is not as preposterous as it sounds. I know we are all human and it’s easier to hate someone who hates you but it’s the strength to overlook our emotions and act upon rationality that makes us gentlemen.

As soon as the word gentleman pops nobody thinks of any evil thing in the man. It confuses me how some would be of the opinion that a ‘bad’ boy can be a gentleman. It’s like saying a good ‘bad’ boy is existent. By being a bad boy, it automatically nullifies all the chances of him being a good boy simultaneously. This only implies he is good to his lady and to nobody else and it’s mostly with ulterior motives because of the benefits that are at stake in case he treats her bad.

Most of this sounds like walking on fire barefoot without getting scathed. This only calls for the proper priorities in life and some effort towards making sure they are done to the letter. The lady who defined a gentleman as a man who doesn’t force his ideas on a woman soft with words and handling of ladies. A very heartwarming expectation, huh? Try this definition. One who is aggressive enough but knows and accepts his limits. That will see sweat off many guys’ brows. A listener will do the trick anywhere. Nobody likes someone who dismisses ideas before listening and replaces them with own. Try and fill your ears before emptying your mouth. That’s pretty much it about being a gentleman.