[THINGS WOMEN REALLY NEED TO KNOW...]
Ok ladies, this is for you. Some of you just
don’t know what it’s like to be a man, or know
what a man wants. Now, while I admit we’re
not as mysterious as women, there’s still some
things you need to know. Your man may just
be too scared to tell you, so am gonna do it
for them. Yep that’s me, standing up for men’s
rights everywhere.
1.If you’re cooking a special dinner for a man, be
sure to include something from each of the 3 major male food
groups: Meat, Fried and Beer. Except for a vegeterian like me of course it should be easier.
2.When he asks for a threesome with you and
your best friend, he is only joking.
Unless the answer is yes.
3.Any sort of injury involving the testicles is not
funny. Seriously.
4.Don’t make him hold your purse in the mall. It
does something to our manhood. This is just as good as hitting the balls...
5.Shopping is not fascinating. Ever.
6.If you really want a nice guy, stop dating good-looking
assholes.
7.Trying to provoke a large, dangerous-looking
felon from across the room is not funny.
8.“Fine.” is not an acceptable way to end an
Argument.
9.Money does not equate love. NO. It should only put food on the table not put you in bed...
10.If you truly want honesty, don’t ask questions
you don’t really want the answer to.
11.He does not want to be just friends. Friend zone is not that exciting to any man's ears.
12.He was not looking at that other girl.
Well, okay… maybe a little.
Okay, so what! He was looking at her. Big deal.Like you
never looked at another guy…
13.He is the funniest, strongest, best-looking,
most successful man you have ever met. a)
And all your friends think so too. Especially the
cute ones.
14.Your (select appropriate item)
butt/boobs/hair/makeup/legs look fine. As a matter of
fact, it/they look damn good. Stop asking.
15.If you want a satisfying sex life, you will never
fake an orgasm. Ever.
16.It is not necessary to discuss the heaviness of
Your menstrual flow with him.
17.Any attempt by a man to prepare food, no
matter how feeble (ie: frying an egg,
fixing Spaghetti, etc) should be met with
roughly the same degree of praise a parent
might shower upon their infant when it walks
for the first time.
18.Those male models with perfect bodies are all
gay. Accept it.
19.He heard you the first time.
20.Dirty laundry comes in several categories:
Looks fine/smells fine, Looks fine/smells bad,Looks
dirty/smells fine. Unless you intend to
wash it, do not try to disrupt piles organized in
this manner.
21.Yes, Sharon Stone/Pamela Anderson/Rihanna is prettier
than you. Just like Brad Pitt/Antonio Banderas/Keanu Reeves is
better looking than him. But since neither one
of you is going to be dating any of these
people, love the one you’re with.
22.His (fill inappropriate selections:) bald spot/
beer gut/impossibly thick glasses/impotency/scabby rash, is
cute.
23.Watching football is a major turn-on for you.
But please wait until the halftime show to act
upon that…
24.A successful date always starts with the woman uttering
the sentence: “You know, why don’t we just skip the expensive dinner and stay
here having freaky circus sex all night?”
